Dealing With Anger

Hi DreamKit Members. Today I will be talking to you about anger. What does anger mean and some ways to deal with anger.

Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Anger can occur when people do not feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss. Anger is an automatic response to pain, either physical and/or emotional; with some triggering thought(s).

Have you ever said:

1. Why am I so angry?
2. I do not want to live being angry all the time.
3. Being angry has caused me to lose friendships and/or family members in my life.

You are not alone. Approximately 7.8% of U.S. population has inappropriate, intense, or poorly controlled anger. Anger has mostly been common among men and younger adults.

Anger triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response. Long-term physical effects of uncontrolled anger include increased anxiety, high blood pressure, and headaches. Anger can also cause severe health problems such as digestive issues, insomnia, depression, heart attack, stroke, even skin problems such as eczema. Raging anger may lead to physical abuse or violence.

I also struggled with horrible anger. I was always lashing out at people. The day I screamed at a neighbor, my daughter was a young child. She put her tiny hand on my leg and said “Please mommy stop yelling.” I was sad and embarrassed. I thought to myself, I am the parent and should be leading by example to my child. The whole day I kept apologizing to her.

I always told myself that I would not be angry around her or show her how I was when I was angry. I kept her away from certain people, especially family members. But I was the one with the anger issue.

I enrolled myself in a DVT Program and a Stress Reduction Program at the Community Health Center.

• DVT Program- Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a treatment designed to help people understand and ultimately affect the relationship between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. DBT is sometimes used for individuals who struggle with self-harm or self-mutilation (cutting) behaviors, and suicidal thoughts, urges, or attempts.
• Stress Reduction Program-is an eight week program for patients, also taught bilingually, offers a variety of relaxation and meditation techniques including awareness of breathing, guided relaxation, gentle stretching, and walking meditation.

After several sessions with this new therapist, he would constantly ask me, “Have you figured out why you are so mad, what is triggering you?” I kept saying no and asked him if he knew. He said “Yes, but keep thinking about it.” Every day I would think to myself what was causing this anger. After thinking about it, I was getting more angry. I could not figure out why I was always mad. One day, my therapist finally told me that I was so angry because of what had happened to me as a child. Being told I was a liar, triggered me. The word “liar” would trigger my anger and so would being blamed.

You can express anger in a healthier way:

• First thing you can do when you get angry is to walk away.
• Recognize and accept the emotion.
• Try to pinpoint the exact reason(s) why you feel angry.
• Let the other person speak first. After they have finished, ask if you can speak. Be as calm as you can.
• Do something physical like go for a run.
• Talk to someone you trust, such as another friend, family member, or a therapist.
• You could even use a diary to write down your outbursts.
• Learn relaxation techniques, such as yoga or meditation. Read a novel. Or you can read Psalms 37:8 and Ecclesiastes 4:26, in King James Bible.

Til this day, I do not have a relationship with my adult daughter. Some of the family members who I was so angry at have passed away. I carry a baggage of regretment inside of me. I feel ashamed of how I acted as an angry person. Not because I am alone. But because I lost the people I loved. I was unable to say sorry to the ones who passed. My daughter does not accept my apology. I hurt and blamed several people for the anger I had.

I am still in the process of learning how to problem-solve without getting angry. It takes time and lots of patience. Well-managed anger can be a useful emotion that motivates you to make positive changes.

Michelle S.

aka DJ Skitlz